The Diary of Dolores Jane Umbridge
by phantom and potter Obsession
Summary: Discontinued unless requested to continue... or unless severe boredom ensues. Probably the latter, actually.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Just this idea.

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_1/9/95 Dear Diary,_

_My name is Dolores Jane Umbridge. I am senior undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, a position I worked hard to reach. It took a great amount of ambition, education, bribery, waiting time, and sleeping with the minister, but it was worth it. I am now second only to Cornelius Oswald Fudge, the Minister of Magic himself!_

_I am now also the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Though I truly detest children, I must pretend not to. But oh it's hard! Very few of them paid attention to my ministry approved speech. Surely they notice the fragmented and inferior, dangerous education they are getting? But then again, they are under the influence of the deranged Albus Dumbledore and in the company of the mad, lying Harry Potter. I will bring the two of them down. I will restore order to the wizarding community. _

_Dolores Jane Umbridge._

Fergie: Blimey, she slept with FUDGE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Georgia: Aw, Umbridge and Fudge! How cute! (vomits)

**Harrieta: That's really sickening.**

Fergie: Yup! You guessed right you old toad! We stole your diary, and we're using confidential code names so you'll never guess our true identities!

_Heiferninny: Why am I named something so ridiculous as 'Heiferninny?'_

**Harrieta: Why am **_**I **_**named 'Harrieta' when I'm a boy? Hm?**

_Rum: You're the one who came up with the names Harrieta! You tell us!_

Georgia: I'm a guy too! But why are we talking about ourselves? I'll be right back!

**Jenny: What did you do?**

Georgia: It's posted in the Great Hall. Now the whole school can know she slept with Fudge! Ah, corruption, how MARVELOUS!!! 

**Harrieta: Let's go read and comment on the next entry! Do we have time?**

Fergie: Yeah, let's go!


	2. Entry 2: Enter Grade Problems!

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Harry Potter! I really do. But I don't. This makes me sad. –Sits in an emo corner and pouts-

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_39/05_

_Dear Diary_

_Well, Mr. Potter certainly caused a disruption yesterday! That boy is a teensy-bit of a liar, I'm sorry to say. Fortunately, he has received a weeks worth of detentions, which will give me the chance to test out my new quill! It is a lovely quill, if I may say so myself. With any luck it will encourage Mr. Potter to stop this foolishness._

_A certain Miss Granger also caused a stir in class, I regret to inform you. How I had hoped that the girl at the top of all her classes would be a little brownnoser! Alas, the girl is just too clever for her own good. She might be one who Dumbledore recruits to fight in his army. I must sabotage her in any way I can, to keep Dumbledore from getting a powerful minion. I'm keeping tabs on all of the intelligent students such as her._

_Oh dear, Mr. Potter is here for his detention. I must hurry and put this away. So long, dear friend of mine!_

_Dolores Jane Umbridge._

_Heiferninny: I wonder… Hermione told me that Professor Snape gave her a terribly unfair grade on her potions quiz! Did that old hag have something to do with it?_

Fergie: Um, Heiferninny? HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HERMIONE GRANGER'S GRADES?!?!?!?!?!

_Heiferninny: I was just talking to her! _

_Rum: -snort- No comment._

_Heiferninny: Oh shut up Rum!_

Harrietta: Shut up guys! Yeesh! Let's see what she wrote next.

**Jenny: Party-pooper! I didn't even get to write!**

Fergie: Well, NOW you did…

Georgia: Goodness Harrietta, she called Harry Potter a liar! Well, I've always thought he was a bit cracked… jk.

**Harrietta: He's not cracked! HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH! NOT **_**HIS **_**FAULT NO ONE'LL LISTEN TO HIM!!!**

Georgia: Wheo, I think SOMEONE'S got the hots for Harry Potter!

Rum: -snicker- again, no comment… Harrietta: Rum, I'm going to smack you upside the head… 

**Jenny: I wonder if this is why I'm failing D.A.D.A? Because I'm smart?**

Fergie: Probably, I mean, wasn't Rum saying Goyle's passing? The hag's backwards!


End file.
